Your spouse died and you do not know their passwords

Start with the phone

The phone is usually the key to everything else. It holds the text messages used to reset passwords, the authenticator apps, and often the email itself. If you can get into the phone, much of the rest gets easier.

Try the obvious first. A familiar PIN, a birthday, an anniversary, the same code they used on an old phone. Check for a fingerprint or face unlock you can use. Look for a written note in the usual places: a wallet, a desk drawer, a password notebook, a sticky note inside a diary.

If the phone is locked and you cannot get in, do not wipe it or reset it. A reset erases the messages and apps you may need. Set it aside, keep it charged, and come back to it once you have more information. There is a guide on phone passcodes that walks through the options calmly.

Then the main email

Most accounts send password resets to one email address. Find out which one your spouse used most. It might be a work address, an old personal one, or the one on the phone. Once you are into that inbox, you can reset almost anything else.

Try the passwords you know they reused. Many people use one or two passwords across several sites. If those fail, look for a password manager app on the phone or computer. It may open with the phone's own unlock, or with one master password they wrote somewhere.

Email companies have their own process for a family member asking about a deceased person's account. The steps differ by company and change over time. Check the company's current help page for what they ask for and how long it takes. Some will give you access to the account, some will help you download the contents, and some will close it. There is a guide on a Google account after death that explains the general shape of these requests.

What to gather before you contact anyone

Companies usually ask for proof of who you are and proof of the death. Having these ready saves a second round of emails.

• A death certificate, or several certified copies if you can get them
• Your own ID
• Your marriage certificate or other proof of your relationship
• The email address or account name, if you know it
• A phone number or backup email you control, so they can reach you

You may need more than one copy of the death certificate, since some companies keep the copy you send. A guide on death certificates and how many you need helps you plan that.

The accounts that matter most

You do not need everything at once. Rank accounts by what they hold up. The phone and main email come first because they unlock the rest. After that, look at money, housing and health.

Bank and card accounts, the mortgage or rent, utilities, and insurance are the ones that cause practical problems if they sit untouched. So are any accounts that send bills or statements to the email you cannot open. Getting the email back usually solves that.

Social media and shopping accounts can wait a week or two. Subscriptions can wait longer. If you find charges you do not recognize, there is a guide on finding forgotten subscriptions you can come back to.

When you are into the email, change the recovery details

Once you have access, add your own phone number and a backup email you control as recovery options. This keeps the account reachable if a password changes or a device is lost. Keep a written record of what you changed and when.

Be careful about deleting anything. Old emails often hold account numbers, policy details and names of people to contact. Search the inbox for words like policy, account, mortgage and insurance before you clear anything out.

What can wait

Closing accounts, sorting out the will, and dealing with the estate can all wait a little. Grief makes decisions harder, and most companies are used to families taking some weeks. Focus this week on the phone, the email, and anything with a payment due.

If a bill is in your spouse's name only, call the company and tell them what happened. Ask what they need and whether the account can be put in your name. Check the company's current help page rather than relying on what someone told you years ago.

Make it easier for the next person

When the immediate pressure lifts, write down what you learned. Which email was the main one. Where the password manager lives. Which phone number is tied to which account. Put it somewhere your family can find it, and tell one person where that is.

If you want a sealed record that only opens when it should, SuddenGone is built for that. You can see what it covers and how a claim works on the claim page. For now, though, one step at a time. The phone, then the email, then the bills. The rest can follow.